Self-Accountability

I am posting this today to hold myself accountable in the future. To remind me that somehow, there was this day when I felt very passionate about some things and was starting to plan it out, write it down, and hope for the best.

I am not somebody who is very good at sticking to the plan or committing or finishing everything that I am working on. I am best at planning, good at executing, yet bad at finishing. It is something that I really hate about myself. It was like, when I am already seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, I would always hear this voice inside my head asking me "Was it worth it? Is this all that there is?". After that, I would uncontrollably collapse and there goes all my hard work down the drain.

My romantic relationship which eventually led to our marriage, being a cat mom, and my permanent job as a school teacher are the only three things that kept me committed. It could be because I am bound by a formal contract. Or maybe because they involve other characters that I deemed more important than myself (my husband, my cats, my students), that if I mess things up or if I did not deliver, it would ruin them unlike when I self-sabotage, I would only be hurting no one but myself.

The truth is I am very tired of being like this for a long time. I don't want this to be my reality or a definition of who I am as a person. Ever since I was a child, my mother used to tell me that I am only good at the start and that I cannot finish anything that I had started. I think I internalized it. But I don't blame my mother. She warned me about this behavior but I was too stubborn to listen and make a change.

Anyway, here are the things that I am planning to get done:

1. Educational materials for toddlers/preschoolers (Flashcards, coloring books, activity books)

2. Printing and lay outing business with school merchandize shop (document printing, photocopy, rush ID pics, PVC ID, lamination, certificates and invitation printing, ribbon printing, etc.)

3.  Graphic Design and Social Media Marketing Consultancy (SocMed Page Management packages)

4. Party needs rental business (Venue Rental, tables and chairs, cookware, silverware, glassware, backdrops and props, party carts (dessert cart, charcuterie cart, popcorn cart, ice cream cart, cotton candy cart, lemonade cart))

I know, I know it's a big undertaking knowing that I am a fulltime teacher and a soon-to-be mom. Knowing that we have a 10-year bank loan. Knowing that I am finishing my graduate studies at the same time. Knowing that I am also a homemaker. Knowing me that I rarely stay committed to things. 

Right now I only have 3000 Php max and my graphic design skills to spare for capital. I just need something to start with. I hope I could grow this tiny resource that I have so I could eventually obtain my bigger goals. I'll write again on the progress of this.

For the first time, I would like to finish well... and I would like to do it for no one but myself.